Cruel and Harsh

"Step with care and great tact

And remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft

And never mix up your right foot with your left. "

Dr. Seuss, Oh, the Places You'll Go

Today it's

r

a

i

n

i

n

g. Although this dreary weather always makes me nostalgic, it also makes me think. Life is so cruel. No... people are cruel, which creates an unfair world for everyone to live in. As childish as it is for me to say, it's not fair! You grow up with these distorted "ideas" that something is wrong with you, you must always strive for perfection or you're a failure and no one loves you. These "ideas" end up torturing you for the rest of your childhood, teen and if you're not careful adult life. You either end up crippled and dependent because of these sick concepts or you shut yourself completely off from any emotion.

As if that's not enough, then when you reach your adult years you begin to realize how truly messed up you are. Because of these "ideas" forced into your mind as a young sponge, you have now turned into a bitter person who is either alone or terribly attempting a relationship with someone who doesn't understand you but instead turns out to be an afterthought. Twisted right. Keep following me, I'm almost done.

Now, everything you do has become a battle within yourself. You constantly question every feeling you have, wondering if it's true or inflicted. Who are your true friends? Who really knows you anymore? Are you a good person? Do you like yourself? Do you like yourself.... That becomes a hard question to answer.

Then you end up meeting someone who knows you so well. So entirely. But do you trust? What if this is just another screwed up way your mind has of making you feel loved and protected. What if this is wrong? Then your not perfect and you have failed. So you build that great big wall called "I'm freaking crazy". And everyone notices your crazy! Then people wanna talk about your feelings and you end up being pulled in all directions and being probed again with the same "ideas" that got you here in the first place.

Cruel.

So my question is: Is life a constant battle of you trying to figure yourself out? Will this ever end. Can people just be happy? Content. Simply smiling most of the time and not be faking it? Can this be accomplished by a world full of such cruel people? I hope so. Then again, Hope is my middle name.

Or at least, if we are to continue torturing ourselves, can we just love as well? Can we be loosing our mind, waiting for the bottom to fall out, and still be utterly happy in the arms of a familiar. Because I like the more positive path here. Maybe I continue to search for the answers to my sanity, but with someone who has the same aspirations as me. Someone just trying to get through each day as well. And maybe that someone makes more sense than I do. You can't argue that. I believe then, you just have to accept it.

So maybe cruel was being a little harsh.